Torn apart from behind
by the spine, by
less than adequate men who
swore they loved us with fists
full of our hair, our wrists
held tight ‘because I care’
told to share. Told to be good
and quiet and never walk too close
to the riots and wait patiently
no matter how long it takes.
His apology will come
no matter how it aches. Guaranteed;
again and again, promises?
Does it matter which way round the words are
if you’re using them to bite me
in the small of my back, sneak attack
too afraid to fight me. Head on
backwards to try and see the lies coming
how do you trust a tongue that
never stops running.
I’ve not slept in how long
but i can’t open my eyes more
than three quarters of the way. The last day.
And you’re not just gone, you’re changed.
Moonstone catching the sun, greedy for warmth,
room for one. More than a break.
Drained to the soles of me,
carefully cut puzzle pieces
from my memories.
I spent a month praying you were safe
and the bones of me ached. But
i didn’t think you’d ever take the
words of a snake, and use the venom
to paralyse me. But in the nights my neighbours
hear my cry begging the gods to let me try
again, poison me and then
stay in our bed. Stroke my head.
Ringing ears and a swollen face,
life no longer mine and months of love erased.
Promises and lies, toy blocks of them stacked high
ready to fall and you’re grabbing at them, try,
fragile wall. But if you make me leave
before i can breathe, whilst i shout and cry
i can’t knock it over, to get at you,
it’s more than you realised
this coming from the girl pretty
sure she would die before she hit twenty five
two years to go and i mean,
you never know but i’d like to think
I can get my hopes up
At least five foot seven from the ground
only more cause i’m reaching
have you seen this outline it’s peachy
beach scene glass so fine it pours for you
saltwater and sunshine on a fresh carved tattoo
biter sweet and less heat than last Wednesday, who
decided i was the one that needed to
throw herself unavoidable at the fuck fest of ignorance
crumbling world, through thick blood crusted
inside of my thighs and words etched into the surface
for those who heard they weren’t worth
the space they grace with bodies
too no who you want them to be.
Bite me, fight me
take an eight hour flight to me:
I’m waiting with cotton sheets
and respite from the heat but take
your time. I don’t mind, honey –
but i won’t eat it.
Correct. In; such a way
that i’m left breathless at
the thought of your mouth
and the weight it carries closing
about my neck. You’re more
than i can help myself and less
than too much to bear.
And jesus fuck,
I miss you.
You’re so much, and I;
I’m not sure who’s coming home.
I’ve been ready to see you for
at least six months and the further away
the more I want you next to me and how
do I ache for the smell of a body
I haven’t met? Or is that strange
and why did it feel so real when you
threatened to marry me. I want
the curve of your spine in the space on my bed
we both know belongs to you.
I hope you’re whole and i’m sorry
they pulled you away but
I’m waiting for the day
I can kiss you.
Void of knowing,
fear growing and i’m
showing my weak side
just trying to hide the
small man behind the curtain
screaming to drown out the hurt
and his eyes are too wide
like the gap between her thighs
buffet for the ignorance of men
you’ve labelled kind and they advance
with knives and sticky backed neon –
what an utterly fucked pedestal to be on.
Knees bleed from falling upon
the shards of the broken girls i came before
fat, not that, anything but that
what a pile of CRAP
and the shape we’ve come to know
as a heart, too far removed from the
pulsing flesh, reductionist art
reduced to a double tap
instant gratification a valid vocation
warping your body into
painful shapes and maybe that could
be OK if your smile wasn’t caked
with the absence of it, fake and
there isn’t the time or enough
“you’ll be fine” to change the way
we grew behind screens that knew
the potential for hidden clues
on what to buy, what to say,
what to do. Who really are you?
If given every option would you
Not Choose Blue?
That one hue like the sky flying
cerulean above you. If we
could control the messages
I wouldn’t be such a pessimist but
my love, sweetheart, my bliss,
the fact is this:
Nothing you do
Is a choice Made By You.