My mind won’t order itself right
and all the thoughts that eat at me spill out,
un welcomed, It rips me inside to voice them and I
can’t fathom why they’re falling from my throat
like pearls, a grain of sand and a lifetime of bile.
You do realise, my sweet, that if you keep wearing away
like a callous on your beloveds feet, that he will
leave. And if he did not, he would not be a man
you could hold in your esteem. He would be
less than you. So why do you gnaw with sore
teeth at your ropes, instead of working them gently
with the safe blade of knowing, and being secure.
I don’t know what for. I don’t have anything
left to manage a normal set of emotion.
I drink too much to be in charge of a boat
and the titanic is a heavy burden, am I worth this.
Matthew told me I deserve you. He made me repeat it to him,
verse for verse, but I can not bring myself
to rehearse this. I do not know
what happiness is.

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