no, go, row me to shore

It is because I want to be alone with you.
It is because my legs hurt it is because,
it is so late that everything unsaid simmers,
like pond scum it is because I am feeling alone
even when everyone is here-
and I know that I am loved.
It is because even with support even
with the knowledge that I am,
still I fight still they burn and eat, and gnaw,
at the lining of my gut.
They don’t rest they don’t give up.
It is because I am doing everything I can
everything i always have to be strong
but It doesn’t work and that seems to be just the way
it is, just the way your mother talks to you
when she’s feeling bitter,
like she lost her childhood in you,
like she got too fat and wasted everything she was.
It is because you feel too fat and
like you’re wasting everything you were.
It is because you never want to hide from food again,
never want to retch after every meal,
never want to see yourself balloon in the mirror again,
when you weigh seven stone and faint and bleed and bleed.
Because you are a woman and that is what they do,
no maam it is perfectly normal to bleed for
every week of the year but five.
It is perfectly normal for your eyes to
go cloudy then dark then gone is it completely okay
if your arm goes numb and you can’t feel anything
and your art exam is in ten hours.

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