Coffee, save me

I spent two days barely able to keep my eyes open.
Nagging doubts shadowing the back of my head,
counting down the seconds until the baby awoke and
feeling my arteries clog with slow clotting dread.
I’ve dragged the heavy black bin inside,
to clear some space in the house, to de-clutter my mind
and all I want to do is crawl in this cupboard and hide.
Side by side with industrial strength bleach, and orange rind.
My knuckles and eyes are competing for soreness
and my half chewed nails are pliably weakened,
when I think of what I worked for to get to all this
I’m afraid I flung myself in at the deep end.
Just when I think I’ve got her sussed
she changes, completely, her scream ups a notch
twelve hours each day are spent making a fuss
and behind heavy eyes I can only watch.
And for two days I had forgotten that coffee existed,
two cups later I’m breathing quicker.
Thank god for caffeine, and little person kisses
replacing the need for deep sleep and hard liquor.

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