Things i know now that I am 21

I learnt that nineteen is not the time to be creating a person inside of you. Began to question if I had ever loved anybody, did I even know what it was or had I only scratched the surface. I learnt to be selfless even when it crushes you.  I know that anyone who promises never to hurt you has already dealt the first blow. Don’t say things like that. That sixteen is not the age you should be wanting to stop at.That eighteen is not the age to drink half a litre of vodka to feel better. I learnt to value my own voice above others. To listen to advice, but not closely. They are not you. How  to cope when you’ve had three hours sleep and the rest with a pillow held to your head but it doesn’t drown the sound out. How to cope when you’ve had ten hours sleep because there’s nothing to do but worry, blindly. That things won’t turn out the way you dreampt about. I realised, somewhere between nineteen and today, that I have a choice. That I don’t owe anyone else their own happiness if they take from me mine, without hesitation, or apology. And I learnt, fresh from the ‘how to adult’ toolkit, how to hide misery in beautiful words so that people don’t see it attatched to me. I learnt to be.

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