What is it to you?

It is not just ‘some fucking’. That’s the microwave meal for one to the numerically unimaginable ocean of possibility that is your eyes closed and where did your breath go. Sometimes it is a loss of everything that ties you to the earth and a complete submersion into freedom from worrying. It can be laughing until your sides hurt but still you kiss between the giggles. Honesty beyond special, just for the two of you.  A secret shared. New worlds, exploration, power. Hours in bed muddling into asleep or otherwise. The morning when your eyes aren’t used to the sun yet, and everything seems so much more real when it’s two minutes away from dreaming. Cheeks burning with worries and fear until it clicks, it just works, and you understand. Midnight, sleep drenched but moving in unison just being greedy. A unique chemistry that’s different for every person and so much fun, to share, to know the way a persons eyes widen at the most vulnerable of times. It can be words that your mouth can’t bend into shape, apologies unspoken and comfort past the last breath you can muster. To let your brain take over, oxytocin dripping. Sometimes it hits you like a train, and you can’t stand anymore let alone focus on the rest of the world. Maybe it is a comforting, a way to place your hands either side of someone’s head and let them know they are safe, they belong, they are wanted. Sometimes it is unexpectedly hilarious. Not quite to plan but a story to remember. Or a realisation that it isn’t happening, at this moment, and that’s ok because nobody should be unwilling, or hurting. Sometimes you are really drunk, and it is fantastically bumbling and maybe you fall asleep. Maybe you wake up again. Maybe you laugh some more in the morning but don’t regret who you are. It can be, sometimes, every sense heightened and your skin on fire with wanting their hands all over you. It can be just because you are two people and you fit together, and it makes sense, and it feels good. Or the realisation that even this crinkle or swell that previously was mundane to you, it’s so beautiful. So beautiful it hurts the core of you and you must kiss them, immediately, in such a way that they know too.

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