Ode To The Sesh – Straight White Boy Satire, Episode 1

Clocking off your morning shift at sports direct,
Phone beeps – top lad Gaz has dropped the group a text.
“Alright lads, who’s up for pint at spoons?”
I’ll come out, but just for a few.
Famous last words, you all know in your hearts
That the essay due tomorrow’s now a thing of the past.
It’s three in the noon but you pull on your nike’s –
Cause you’ve already downed a can playing Fifa ‘#Thuglife’.
Hair like an iced gem, spritz of Paco Rabanne
Dem grilz will be frothing at the gash for you, fam.
Shoot a message to your tinder match, ‘U out’ (how can she resist)
And off you toddle full of swag and a need to get pissed.
On arrival, quick bathroom pic, flash on, tagged #Ladsontour
Then straight to the bar to order a Jaegerbomb or four,
Before you know it you’ve landed in Flex  completely Rekd
Eight pints, three shots and a sex themed cocktail necked.
You’ve slipped four times on the chequered dance floor
But styled each fall into a Dab, tonight you’ll deffo score.
Two am strikes, time to ask tinder bae to ‘send nudes’
Any resistance to such a nice request would be rude –
Then you unlink your insta from Tinder on the spot
Cause the unsuspecting girl you took a selfie with is hot.
Time for one last blurred snapchat titled ‘Live Laugh Love Sesh’
Before you fall into a taxi and somehow manage to reach bed,
The tinder girl you text has failed to message back
So you send a message bound to woo her –
“You’re fat anyway, Slag. “

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