I wanted to.

I wanted to love you whole.
Wrap myself about you in all the right places,
kneel beneath your points of contention
like Dali’s crutch’d statues. I wanted to wait,
for you to come home. I wanted you to love
without doing it to dash my skull on concrete
whilst i’m dizzy and overwhelmed with the
freckles across your shoulders. Divine, delicate.

If i could have smashed every clock in
a ten mile radius, to stop time for us not to leave
or untangle or give up the advantage on a quilted battleground.
I’d probably take the pain again, on repeat,
for that feeling again. Until the lungs of me caved in
with panic attacks and no space between the gasping
aching sobs. And much as i despise myself ;
I know i won’t let the memories escape for a long time.
Even though it’s going to hurt me on a
regular basis like a tumour festering
and i’m avoiding the medication so
i don’t have to say goodbye.

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